Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
