you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!