Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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