Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

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  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (47837) Bad night (2521)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.

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  (860): he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot. http://tfl.nu/hpow
  Replies (87) Good night (1276) Bad night (6400)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".

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  (519): I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA". http://tfl.nu/ak7j
  Replies (9) Good night (3806) Bad night (1106)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

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  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (18644) Bad night (1169)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

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  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (5029) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.

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  (650): Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot. http://tfl.nu/jbjf
  Replies (8) Good night (3176) Bad night (896)
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  (209): View more from California

  There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.

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  (209): There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them. http://tfl.nu/h2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (2760) Bad night (1222)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  I smell like gasoline and adventure.

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  (779): I smell like gasoline and adventure. http://tfl.nu/rkdf
  Replies (18) Good night (2653) Bad night (802)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".

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  (386): Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant". http://tfl.nu/zn3b
  Replies (21) Good night (2509) Bad night (2156)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin

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  (845): I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin http://tfl.nu/w07j
  Replies (22) Good night (746) Bad night (1901)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture

  (410): View more from Maryland

  dude you're not even a fucking science major

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  (717): Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture (410): dude you're not even a fucking science major http://tfl.nu/vino
  Replies (4) Good night (1258) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public

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  (248): About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public http://tfl.nu/nrsv
  Replies (5) Good night (685) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...

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  (516): Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french... http://tfl.nu/u9v2
  Replies (5) Good night (1715) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time

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  (856): and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time http://tfl.nu/kr7x
  Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast

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  (514): Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast http://tfl.nu/7alw
  Replies (3) Good night (980) Bad night (307)

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