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• (310): View more from California

  im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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• (386): View more from Florida

  No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.

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• (949): View more from California

  the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach

  (1-949): View more from California

  um or while having sex on a train

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?

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• (347): View more from New York

  Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote

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• (585): View more from New York

  The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  My liver needs me to go back to work asap.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.

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• (347): View more from New York

  Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil

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