I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.