I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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