First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
