You really coming over, don't trick.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
