i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i will never coherently bang her
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
