New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
