The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
