Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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