You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
