He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
