The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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