I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
