i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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