i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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