My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm always down for nudity.
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