sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
