Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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