peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
