The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
