hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
