Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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