i already hear my dad disowning me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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