they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
