He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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