i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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