Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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