your thong is hanging out like whoa
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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