I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
