Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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