This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
