I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
