how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
