I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
