I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
