just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i already hear my dad disowning me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
