yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
