you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
