i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
