Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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