dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
