Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
