Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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