Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
