i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize