there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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