but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
