I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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