Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
