I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
