So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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