can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
