It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
