Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
