tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
