This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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