Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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