apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
