I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Boobs are out for the taking
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
