Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
