Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
