I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this boner is exhausting
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
