i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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