Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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