i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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