I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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