after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
